


Soulmate Matches

by DontAskWhy



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Humor, Gangsters, M/M, Mob's Tale, Mobsters, Stereotypes, Swearing, Tags Are Hard, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22055434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontAskWhy/pseuds/DontAskWhy
Summary: A single sentence, unique for everyone, is what determines who is one's soulmate.Buuuut, Superman's soulmate just so happens to be the last person he expected and there must be some mistake. Or maybe not?
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent/Matches Malone
Comments: 76
Kudos: 349





	1. Lighting the Match

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry! I just can't stick to one story! But I'm trying to. For now: another!

It was a calm night as Superman hovered over his city. Listening to anything out of the norm. Then, his ears catch something, "Tonight, at the docks." He stares at the building to see eight men inside. "A certain shipment from the 'Sailing Lass' will have our little problem-solvers inside."

"Keep it quiet and keep it clean, I want that green gold by-"

Superman heard enough, he crashes through their apartment complex. Most scrambling away while others foolishly pulled out their automatics. They fire him up and he just stands there as the bullets bounce off of him. After a second of hummoring them, one by one he takes them down with ease. All in the room were down for the count, all seven of- 'Wait,' Using his supervision, he spots a man outside with a mustache and wearing sunglasses, a brown coat, and a match stick in his mouth, just walking away like he belongs. He uses his superspeed to snatch the man up and flies them just over a tall building. Strangely, the man didn't even flinch let alone panic as he was high above well over forty stories. "What's Gotham's biggest doing in my city?" Now the brunette freezes, wow that was the first for Superman, was it in his voice? "Talk! Or I'll make you."

The man he's holding up scoffs, "Yeah, real cute coming out of you, Supershorts."

Now it's his turn to freeze. Remembering what he said to him first, sees through the guy's shirt and spots his _words_ tattooed on the man's chest.

"Hey! No peeking at the goods!" Superman's… honest to Rao_ _soulmate_ jabs a finger into Kal's chest.

Clark moans with grief, "You've gotta be kidding me… "

"Like you're a picnic yourself, pal." Spitting out his match, the guy tries to cross his arms while the Man of Steel holds him by his armpits. "So what, you wanna kiss or something?"

"Aaaagh," Kal lowers them to the building's roof. Setting the guy down, his soulmate brushes himself off, "You_ My soulmate is a gangster!" Superman shrieked.

"And mine's the God damn Boy Scout of Candy Land!"

"Hey! That's my favorite board game!" Kal pointed an accusing index at the mobster.

"Jesus Christ." The man facepalms. "Listen, chump, we forget this. This never happened, alright! Now, since you have no evidence to cuff me, or wrap any metal poles around me, or whatever you do, I'll just be on my way then, alright." Already walking away. Kal stood there for a moment, steaming away before, with a grunt, shoots off into the skies.

~/~\~

"Everything alright, Master Bruce?" Alfred asked, holding up a thousand dollar suit.

A man with sunglasses and a brown coat storms up the stairs while ripping off his mustache, "Peachy!" Snatching the suit from the butler. "Except now Matches Malone's soulmate is Superman, for God's sake!"

"Never a dull moment with you, sir." Alfred comments, following Bruce upstairs.


	2. It's Still Lit

Matches plays with the stick in his mouth as the henchmen piss and moan around him in the open roof car, "That was fucking bullshit! What the fuck happened, Mickey? You told me the room was super-proofed!"

"We placed the things like the instructions said."

"You screwed it up, fatass!"

"Hey! Don't blame me, shitface! It was Leo who set 'em up!"

"Well, then fuck Leo, that cocksucker!"

"Yeah, fuck 'im!"

"Jesus, Matches! What you think?" Matches regarded him a moment before looking off over the road, "Ahh! To Hell with you too, jackass."

"Let the man be, he's thinkin."

"Yeah, thinkin bout setting fire to Superman's little cape! That's what I'm thinkin!"

"Before or after he flies you around the moon?"

"That pussy don't have the guts! Hey, Matches! You sit on your sack or something? Why so quiet?"

Matches slouched in his seat in the back, "Like Mickey said, I'm thinkin."

"Bout?"

"Things, piss-ant."

"Blow me."

"Hey! I saw a red streak! Was that Superman? In the sky, right there!"

"Ah, you see red streaks in your sleep, Mickey."

Eyes roamed high under shaded lenses, then eyes a run down apartment the car slows in front of, "This the place?"

"Yeah. Leo said to head round back."

"Fucking Leo." The car comes to a halt behind the building's dark alley when Matches hops out and goes in the opposite direction, "Oi! Where you going!"

"Takin a leak."

"Don't take too long, meetin's already started!"

Slamming the doors, the boys heading into the complex while Malone rounds a few corners to then lean up against a wall, hidden from everyone, "Tryin to arrest me now or what, Supershorts?"

A whirlwind blew at his clothes harshly, the mustache man looks up to a frowning Kryptonian staring at him. But it was a frown that was the thinking type, "I've… slept on the idea of… us." He starts with some hesitation.

"Feelin lonely, already?"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Calm your shit. Look, I already told you: forget bout it."

"I'm going to help you get out of this life of crime." Superman crosses his arms, like that's that.

Malone gawks at Kal for a second, "Eh?"

"Look, we're soulmates-"

"And that means what on your planet?"

"Everything!" Scanning around himself, Superman takes a deep breath in, "We're soulmates. Why? I have no gosh-darn clue! But I know it's for a reason, and I'm gonna find out what. Even if you are _this_." the alien gestures to all of him. "So, firstly, I'm gonna get you out of this life."

"And what if I don't want out, buddy?" Standing to full height, even if he's just a tad shorter than the Man of Steel.

"Then I'll help you see reason first, even if it has to be from behind bars."

"On what evidence?"

"I'll have it."

"I'm sure you will. But listen good," Stabbing his finger to that yellow 'S' again, he stares Superman dead in the eyes, "You try _helpin_ me in front of the boys, and the next time you see me will be in my new cement shoes swimmin with the fishes, got it?"

"I know. I'm not stuipid."

"I'd like to see evidence of that, too." Matches chuckles to himself while bringing up his coat, Superman simply stares at him with thought.

Malone takes that as his clue to leave but then an indestructible hand grabs his arm, "You haven't told anyone?"

Hidden eyes stare at the hand then at Superman, "Told what?"

"That_ Superman's soulmate is a criminal."

Matches shakes off the hand and is a little surprised he's let to, "Why would I? Somethin like that could ruin my rep!"

"… Was that the only reason?"

"Yeah, what of it." Mat-... Bruce lies.

Superman studies his head and chest for a moment, Matches wondering if the alien broke or something. Then a grin cracks the Man of Steel's face, "Just checking." Before shooting off into the air. Bruce curses inside; machines he can beat, a Kryptonian lie detector he can not, apparently.

Bruce rubs his sore forehead, 'Just what I need.' Turning around and heading to the meeting place where he knows to have a grand ol' time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two gangsters Bruce/Matches is with are kinda based off of the first Darkness game. Love those two_ for their short time, anyways. Anywho, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter


	3. But It Hurts to the Touch

"Hell of a meetin' there. M' starin to think the boss is bookin for a one way trip to Arkham." The man flops on a worn down chair, the other two sit in a similar conditioned couch.

The bigger guy hisses through his teeth, "Speak louder, I don't think they heard you in China."

"I ain't scared!"

"Ya might change your tune with Two Face right behind ya."

"Screw you, Mickey. And what the Hell does he want to gain power here for, anyways?"

"Ah, who knows."

"Matches, what you think?"

"Why you always buggin the man, leave 'im be."

"He's actin' funny."

"I ain't."

"The dead finally speaks! Matches, you actin like my cousin Vinnie right before he keeled over."

"His heart?"

"Nah, a bullet. Had a bad feelin all week before. Then bam! Shot right in 'is home, without warnin! Matches, you ain't having the same intu.. Intu-ah. Ahhh." The no name one snaps his fingers for the answer.

"Intuition? Nah. Just bumped into a lil trouble."

"Cops?"

Matches chuckles at Mickey, "Wish."

"Two Face?"

"Noh."

"Joe's food?"

"... Maybe, but no."

"Well, whatever it is, solve it quick. We need ya most on this one."

"Hey, look who's comin."

"Ah, fuck! Not 'im!"

The trio turn to see a lanky man with bugged eyes and a unlight, crooked cigarette in his mouth and wearing dingy clothes, "Just got word from the boss-"

"He's doin your mother! I fuckin knew it!"

Lanky sucks his teeth before continuing, "We're gonna meet the guy he's workin with."

"Yeah, who that, Leo?" Matches asks, twisting the match between his lips.

"Lex Luthor." The lanky man known as Leo answered.

"That hairless mut with the chewed to Hell red and blue bone? What the fuck, Leo!"

"Don't look at me. Two Face says Luthor got somethin big, and he needs his help."

"He's gonna smoke us first chance he gets!"

"Two Face know that, he bankin on smokin 'im fist."

"Well, fuck, I'd love to see that."

"If Lex don't shoot first."

"Now who can be heard in China."

"Fuck you, it the truth. Who knows who's gonna do who in first."

"Yeah well, I'll be ready! What about you, Matches? You gonna get your head out your ass for this or what?"

"Don't worry bout it. I got shit like that handled."

"Yeah, we'll see." The unnamed lanky tells with a chuckle. They talk for a while until Matches glimpses out the filthy window to spot a red and blue blimp on the other rooftop with wide eyes staring at them.


	4. And Flickers With the Wind

"Matches to see baldy." The undercover gangster informed the receptionist.

"I'm… not aware of any Mr. Baldys?" She looked confused.

"We talkin bout your chief, head honcho, governor, your God damn pay check signer! And I swear to the Almighty, if you hit that fuckin red button, I'm gonna go out and rob a whore of a mother's bank on principle!!!" The one that wasn't Mickey or Malone shouted at her.

She immediately retracted her hand and terrifyingly smiled, "Oh! Okay! I'll uh, buzz him now."

"Yeah! You fuckin do that!" The no named one pulled at his brown suit jacket over his red dress shirt as they all went over to sit in the high life waiting room, "Can you believe that broad? Fuckin Hell, if I wasn't a gentlemen. Nice rack, though." They all nod to that as they took their seats. "Fuckin shit! Matches! Do I look like a criminal to you!?"

Malone looks over the shorter man, looking at the cream suit and his soul patch, complete with a light long scar just missing his left eye, "Fuck, _I'm_ calling the pigs."

"Fuck you, jackass!" The man chuckled, as he playfully pushed Matches, getting them all to laugh to themselves.

"Excuse me." The men stopped to look up at a mild mannered reporter with square rimmed glasses. "Sorry, but um," gesturing to the seat Matches was leaning heavily over.

"How much will ya give me?"

"Uhh, I- I didn't know I had to-"

"Ahhh, I'm shitting ya! Come on! Take the load off!" Malone made room for the man.

He gave a nervous smile as he sat down, "Uh, Clark Kent, reporter for the Daily Planet." The blue bird suit wearer held out his hand.

Matches stared at the appendage before taking it, "Matches Malone_ Consultant for the Firesafe Burning Nuts Brigade." The other two's stomachs rumble with held in small snickers. "Everyone needs a soft touch when it comes to flames. Safety first." Matches nodded with his mouth seeing more of one side of his face.

"Right…" Clark eyed the man.

"These are my boys, Fat Mickey."

The big one at the end leaned forward, "How you doin?"

"And the James Bond villain here is named Lucky."

"Hey!" The man gave Matches the evil eye.

Kent squinted, "Is that your real name?"

Lucky, the once nameless one shrugged, "It's what my mother always called me. She said 'Son, you are fuckin Lucky.' And on occasion would add with, 'to be alive' as she waved a butcher's knife at me. Sweet mam." He eyed Clark as he shrieked away.

Malone slapped his shoulder, "Don't let shit-mooder get ya in the dumps. His mother's always tryin to kill everybody."

"Yeah, Hell she almost killed _her_ mother as soon as she was outta her. Crazy ass bitch." Lucky slung his arms on the back of his chair, then "Oh! That reminds me! Gotta call my gal!" He pulls out his cell and dials the speed dial. He holds it up to his ear, "Denise! Baby! How's it going?_ whoa! Whoa! Why you cryin! Baby, don't cry! Please don't- Did- baby? Baby! Did you talk to your mother, again?_ Ah huh. Ah huh. Ah Fu-" putting a hand on the speaker, he whispers to Matches, "She been talking to that witch, again."

Malone nods, "Go."

Lucky jumps up and walks a ways away, "Baby?_ Baby!_ I know what she says about me_ That's a fuckin lie!_ What the fuck!?_ That slippery, webbed toed, bitch!_ I know she's your fuckin mother! But I'll_ I'll still fuckin-" was what they last heard as he got out of ear shot.

Clark still stares at the retreating goon, then back to Malone who shrugs, "Her old lady doesn't believe in soulmates… annnnd hates his fuckin guts."

"Ah." They lean back, watching the people coming and going. Clark rotates back to Malone, glancing at Mickey as he picks his teeth, "So, do you?"

"What?"

"Believe the soulmates thing?" Clark scooted a little off his chair, closer to the match chewing guy.

"Eh, don't see the point."

The reporter gave a disappointed, "Oh… why not?"

"My line of work."

The reporter gave a hopeful, "Oh." And lean back again.

They sit there is silence, then Matches clicks his tongue, "So, what cha' in for?"

"Huh? Oh! I'm here to talk to Luthor about his new project."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah. So… what's your favourite color?"

Matches blinked, "Huh?"

"Just… trying to pass the time." He beamed with embarrassment.

They sat in pregnant silence. But then, Bruce throws the man a bone, "Black."

"Really? Mine's blue." Clark perked up like a puppy.

"Huh."

"… What's your hobby?"

Matches stares at him with one raised eyebrow, "Are we really gonna do this?"

"Well…" Clark looked around for an emergency exit. "We could play 'I spy.'"

"Jesus Christ." The gangster rolled his jaw, glancing at Mickey who fell asleep, then back at Clark, "I roam the streets at night."

They talk for a while, saying whatever they liked, disliked, until Lucky was finally walking back after half an hour, "I know, baby_ Yeah, I'm sorry, too_ Alright I'll see her soon_ No, I fuckin love you more!_ Okay_ okay_ No, I'm not gonna_ fine, I'll buy the sugar_ okay_ love you, too_ bye." And hangs up. "What a fuckin woman!" He rejoiced. "Matches, I'm telling ya, go and find your soulmate fuckin now! You too, whale turd."

"I'm good, shit stain."

"Me too. Besides, not tough enough to handle the in-laws."

"Agh, I give her two weeks before she keels over."

"A bullet?"

"Nah, her heart."


	5. Dances With Somber

"Way ta keep us waiting, Luthor baby." Matches licked his teeth as he examined the office with the other two chumps.

Lex gave his business smile, "Well, I happen to have other responsibilities than dealing with Two Face's leftovers."

"And what the Hell does that mean?" Lucky asked, already walking up to the bald man, with Mickey getting in his way.

"Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Egghead?"

Lex gave Matches the evil eye, "I would watch yourselves if I were you."

"Sure, whatever you say. But hey! We're here for the plans."

Luthor adjusted his suit, "I thought I was going to meet him personally?"

"We're here to make sure it's legit." Mickey said, having his hands together as he stood in front of Lucky.

"I can assure you gentlemen, they are quite real. Enough to take both Alien and the Bat out."

Lucky whistles a long one, "That sounds good. Do these plans of yours include the part where Supes and Bats are handing our asses to Gotham's Finest and your shiny head to the courts to crap money away?"

"These are different." Lex braked out.

"Yeah? How?"

"That's a secret."

Matches clicks his tongue, "I think I smell shit, boys. Let's go tell the boss." They begin leaving.

"Wait!" The boys turn on their heels as Luthor goes to a painting of himself. Taking it off to reveal a safe, looking back at them, "Do you mind?" They look away. Ticking is heard then a large click alerts to the safe opened and Lex coming back while lifting a piece of paper, "Take this to Two Face. This should be proof enough."

Matches snatches the thin sheet and stuffs it in his coat, "It better." And the gang proceeds to the door.

"Think it's a bomb?" Lucky tried looking in Matches' jacket.

"Ya, exploitable paper. That sounds more Joker's style than 'pleasant businessman' Luthor's." Mickey chuckled.

"Stop worrying, shithead."

"And what about Superdork?"

"I doubt he'd pay small fish like us any mind."

"Who you calling small, mother-"

When Malone opens the door, it's accidentally right in the face of Clark Kent, "Oaf!" Kent's head whips back and his glasses go flying.

"Well, shit!" Matches starts, as Kent crouches to the ground, blindly feeling for his spectacles. Matches backs up a little, "Watch where you're going, four-" The master of disguise stops as a load crunch was heard. "Eyes…" he lifts his shoe to see the remains of black rimmed frames with broken glass surrounding it. "Shiiiit…"

"Was that what I think it was?" Kent asks sadly, as he had his hand covering his face.

"That's seven years bad luck!"

"That's mirrors, stupid!" Lucky shouts at Mickey while slapping the back of that big head.

"Oh, yeah." Big Mick says as he rubs his head.

"I- I- I- I can't go anywhere like this! Please! Please someone help!" Clark begs on his knees, still shielding his face.

"Fucking Hell- alright! Alright! Come on! I'll buy you another pair!" Bruce grabs Kent's arm and pulls him to his feet.

"But! But my interview!"

"Fuuuuc- ok!" Matches reopens the door, seeing Luthor already at his desk, "Hey, you got an interview?"

"Yes."

"Not anymore."

"What! Why?"

"Unforeseeable circumstances."

"Matches, you got little bastards around? Cause that was a dad joke if I ever heard one!" Lucky roared happily from behind.

"Laugh it up, jackass." And Matches leads Kent to the exit.


	6. And Bruns with Annoyance

The drive there was a piece of work indeed, "Why the Hell is your hand there, for? The light won't burn your face without your glasses." Matches tried grabbing the appendage.

Kent, though, pulled away with a screech of fear, "No! No! It- uh- it hurts to look without them!"

"That makes no sense!"

"It makes all the sense!"

"This is ridicules!"

"I have a condition!"

"What? The ugly-duckling-syndrome!? Fine! Forget it!" Malone gave up, flopping back in his seat, "You have fuckin issues."

"You're one to talk!"

"What the Hell does that mean!?"

"You know exactly what I mean!" The one hiding his face pointed an accusing finger at Matches, despite having his eyes closed.

"No, I fuckin don't! That's why I asked!"

"But deep down, you know what's wrong!"

"Yeah! You're a fuckin crazy ass, son of a bitch!"

"I will turn this mother fuckin car around, if you two don't calm your shit!" Lucky shouted into the back.

Matches and Clark look away from each other, "Ass."

"Jerk."

"We're here, kids." Mickey announced, turning to the curb in front of a glasses shop.

Malone grabs Kent's arm, "Come on, your extra eyes are on me."

"Oh no, I'm fine-"

"I'm the one who broke your damn glasses, and since they cost an arm and a leg these days, I'm buying." Yanking the reporter out of the car and through the doors while Lucky and Mickey stayed to argue in the car.

Matches went up to the counter and dinged the little bell, a lady came from another room who's looking like she hasn't slept a wink in days. She huffs out with a dead tone, "Welcome to Jerry's Stylish Suit, what are you gentlemen looking for?"

"New glasses," Matches eyes her with slight disapproval.

"Far right corner of the store, you can't miss it. And if you start a shoot out here, can you please wait until my next break?"

"Thanks." Matches pulls the Kent fellow to the destination while mumbling, "Fuckin kids these days." He drags Clark all the way there to a humble selection of eyewear. "Well, crappy choices all around here. Let's try another- Hey!" Clark blots to a small display, and somehow without looking, picks the ugliest and cheapest pair of glasses out of at least four dozen.

"These are perfect! Thanks so much! I'll just pay for them and be on my-"

"Nah- AH! You ain't wiggling me outta this that easy! If Matches Malone does a sod wrong not on purpose, Matches Malone does that fucker right." Poking the reporter's chest. "Now pick a pair that didn't come from Clayface's shit pile and let's go!"

"No, I like these glasses, they're fine!" The man adjusts the square frames on his nose, "They're me."

"Don't lie, dumbass, I can afford it. Just pick-"

"I'm serious! I've always gotten glasses like these. I like them." To prove this fact, Clark pulls out his driver's license he had to wait four hours for from three years ago and indeed, he has the prototype pair of frames in the photo.

Matches stares at the picture, then at Clark, "... You either have no fucks or no taste… why am I betting on the later?" He says sarcastically as he looks the tacky clothes up and down.

"Funny." Clark rolls his eyes.

Matches pays for the glasses and they head out to the car to find Mickey and Lucky are yelling at each other, "Fuck you!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck off! Both of ya! Let's just go. Come on, Kent."

"I can walk from here."

"What about your car?"

"I didn't drive one to Lex Corp. Thanks for everything!" He starts jogging away.

"You scared him off?"

"More like you idiots did. Go." And they ride off. After a while, Malone knows they're being followed.


	7. Then Simmers in Wait

Bruce sighed, as he entered his private penthouse in Metropolis, out of makeup and getup, "Alfred! You home?"

"Ready and waiting, sir." The faithful butler commented as he came down the stairs. "I've taken the liberty of drawing you a bath, suit pressed and hanging in your bedroom, and a fresh lobster in the oven."

"You're a God send." Wayne hopped up to the master bedroom, went into relaxing mod as he undressed and sank himself into the tub.

"And how are Master Lucky and Master Michael doing, Master Bruce."

"Fair."

"As talkative as ever, sir." Pennyworth goes about putting the dirty clothes into the basket. "What of your soul mate?"

The Batman growled.

"I see, sir. As I've said in the communicator-"

"'Master Bruce is required at Wayne Enterprises for some P.R. and an interview with Metropolis proud Superman fan club.'" Bruce perfectly imitated the butler's voice. "Yes, I know Alfred."

"Not my words exactly." The British man raised an eyebrow.

"On top of everything else, doesn't the press have anything better to do?"

"Apart from causing mass hesitantly amongst the public, I'd say not, sir." Alfred brushes off a black suit to hang up on the door.

Bruce eats with his suragent fathet, gets ready then heads out. Taking the limbo he suddenly gets a call from the boys, "Sorry in advanced, Alfred." he gets his voice right mentality, before he answers, "Hey, dickless."

 _"How many times do I have to tell ya! They stitched it back on, jackass!"_ Mickey yells from the other side.

Malone chuckles, "Well, that's what your ass gets for picking the crazy chicks. What's up?"

_"Just a heads up, baldy called Two Face, our very own Bruce Wayne is in town and he wants us to kidnap the guy right as he comes out of his building today. You in?"_

"What the Hell for?"

_"Says it's part of the 'Master Plan,' whatever the fuck that is."_

"Well, fuck that, I'm out! I don't get involved in that shit and you know it."

_"Just makin sure, pal."_

"Fair enough, but the next time you call, it better be cause you want your fuckin house lit up like a early fourth of July gift!" And slams his phone. Using his normal voice he explains to Pennyworth, "Don't bother picking me up at five, Alfred. Looks like I'm gettin nicked." Letting Malone have the last word.

"Oh dear, I fear for those poor souls."

"Mickey and Lucky."

"Even better." The butler turns to the sidewalk to drop his ward off at work. "Have fun, sir."

"Sure thing, Alfred." Bruce exits the car with a shake of his head. Slams the door shut and goes up. He handles the meetings well, and gets the light paperwork done, now it's time for the interview. Clark Kent, as Southern hospitality raised Saint as one can make came through, "Please! Have a seat!" He beamed his Brucie grin. 

Clark gets asking and Bruce gets talking, Kent writes in his little notebook as Wayne kept yapping away. Then Clark gets a little more serious, "And what about this new project? About the old chemical plant reopening up on the river side in Gotham?"

"Now that, I know everyone's been getting the wrong idea, but I was thinking about opening it back up, this time as a Manufacturing factory. We'll have to change a few things inside to keep up with health codes of course, but this way, not only is the old building being put back into commission but also provide a multitude of jobs for the community." Bruce smiled.

Clark seems to stare longer at him then writes it down. He clears his throat, "Mr. Wayne_ is it true you're thinking about calibrating with Lex Luthor in the near future?"

"I was indeed, but my people have informed me it's a bad idea. But, I don't know, what do you think?"

Kent seemed hesitant but proceeded, "I think you shouldn't have anything to do with him."

"Well, that's another 'no' for Lexy." Bruce laughed. More questions are asked and answered for a good half hour. 

Then Clark slaps his notebook closed and stands to shake hands with the man, "Thank you for your time, Mr. Wayne."

"Anytime, Clarky."

"Just Clark."

"Sure thing!" And waved him off. Once the reporter left, Bruce closes the door and looks at the clock, 4:17, "Almost time."


	8. The Fire Shifts but Settles

So, here sits Bruce, tied up, sitting in a dinghy corner on an beat up mattress laying on the floor of an old building; Bruce was just as surprised as the goons were that there were still some of those in Metropolis, with Lucky and Mickey half watching him and half watching the skies. "I still say the guy's nuts."

"All mad smart asses are." Lucky snides the other as he walks up to the playboy with a soda can, "Long time no see, Mr. Wayne."

"For the last time, Lucky, it's Bruce." Wayne smiled, accepting the offer of the drink from his kidnapper, happily.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. So_ what about that little number the Gotham Gazette caught ya with a few weeks back, huh?"

Bruce pulls away with a satisfied smacking of his lips, "Oh, her? I found out she was a married woman the hard way. Remember my black eye a few days back?"

"Whooh, so that where that came from?"

"Afraid so… though once the misunderstanding was cleared up, her husband was nice enough to buy me a drink." Brucie chuckled. Then licked his lips in thought, "You know… my offer still stands?"

"I still say you need to check in ta Arkham." The scared man pointed his index at the billionaire as he got up, "You sure you looked at _our_ records?"

"According to my board members, it's never stopped us before."

"...You know, Wayne, you need to get on the ball or somethin about your places and stop hiring cut throat bastards like us." The skinny one shakes his head.

"But I already know how to sign my name on the dotted line of the papers they give me, they told me that was plenty!" The tied up man beamed cheerfully.

Lucky sits down next to their hostage on the bed and slings an arm around him like a pal, "Tell ya what, if we get ta keep ya more than a day, I'd like you take ya over to my uncle Bobby's place of business. He'll show you how to get your boys in line, you know, show your people who's boss."

"But I heard his workers go missing?"

"What can I say, he's a harsh teacher. But!... They still respect 'im." Lucky held up his finger for emphasise. "At least, the ones tha're still around." He shrugs.

Then the doors burst open to Two Face and Lex Luthor staring down at him, "Ah, Bruce Wayne, so nice to see you again."

"Well, hi Lexy!" The playboy chirped.

Then the evil genius frowns at Lucky's close proximity, "What are you doing down there?"

"What's it look like, we havin a talk!"

Lex stares at Lucky, "He's your hostage, you don't have chit chats with them!"

"Can't help it. We've nicked this beautiful son of a bitch so many times, his annoyin talks grown on us."

"I think we got that- um- Stockholm syndrome shit." Mick joins the group with a snap from his hand.

"That's for the hostages, not the kidnappers!"

"Tell that ta him!" Lucky thumbed Bruce's way, who grinned like a little kid getting sweets.

"Argh! No matter! Now, we just need to get rid of Wayne and-"

"Hold up!" The grinded voice scratched everyone's ears as Harvey pushed Luthor back. Mickey, Lucky and Bruce staring at the two with shock, "The deal was that we hold Bruce, not rub him out!"

"My plan involves buying out his company! As is, it'll take too long to sabotage and buy up what's left. If Wayne turns up dead in some ditch today, then I'll get it and then have complete access to Wayne Enterprises within days! You want Batman gone, don't you?"

Two Face eyebrows furrowed, twirling the coin between his fingers while his thumb seemed to itch when Lucky piped up, "Boss, it's Bruce for God's sakes." Two Face takes a peek at Bruce, who's gazing back with a glimpse of betrayal in his usually sweet ignorant features.

Dent frowned and grabbed the bald billionaire by the collar of his pressed, expressive suit, "No dice, cue-ball!"

"But-" Lex's voice breaking a little as he spoke, "We need access to the military secrets his people have been working on!"

"What! Nobody told me we had secrets! I'm left out of everything!" Brucie pouted, getting a friendly pat of reassurance from Lucky while Lex was the only one who stared at the playboy as if his head split in two.

"How do you know he's got any?"

"I have my scourses, trust me!"

"Yeah, that'll be the day." Two Face hisses, "Fine, but we cut out the middle man! We go in and take the plans for ourselves!"

"So we didn't even need Wayne?" Mickey sounds baffled and a little ticked.

"We can use him as our ticket in!"

"But, his empire!"

"We ain't doing your dirty work for you! We're here to take out the Bat, not Bruce!" The Bat hides his inner genuine smile well as he looks at Harvey.

Bruce waits until Lex stomps away and the other goons leave, letting the two old friends be alone, "Thanks, Harv."

"Wha'd I say about calling me that." Two Face tells the elite with no real bite. He picks the man up gently then hauls him out to get these 'wonderful plans' Lex keeps talking about.


	9. Flames Waving To and Fro

The head of the Wayne family is being pushed to the floor as everyone ransacked his research and development department, Bruce looks up to see Lucky inching his way over to him, "Psst, oi, can ya give me a hint?"

"Really, Lucky?"

"Hey, don't know till ya try it." The scared man shrugs then continues searching. Wayne sighs as he goes for the emergency button under the counter. When he hits it, the alarms blaze to life. "Ah shi- I blame you, Leo!" Lucky shouted.

"Da fuck did I do?"

"You breathed wrong, you fuckin shit-twig!"

"That's not what your mother said last night!"

"Have her! She'll cut your dick off after a week!"

"Fuck you!"

The ceiling suddenly crashes in and the Boy Scout is hovering above them, "I believe it's after hours, gentlemen."

"Superman! Watch-" Lucky latches onto the billionaire and claps his mouth shut.

"'Y don't ya come and get us, Superdork!"

Bruce begged with his eyes for Superman to be careful, but of course he simply rushes in, throwing caution to the wind.

Just as Lucky was about to shoot the Man of Steel, Bruce kicks the automatic away and green bullets fly into the wall. Kal knocks out the goon, after a quick glance at the danger Batman was trying to warn him about embedded into the wall, he picks the billionaire up and flies as fast as possible out just before they're turned into swiss cheese. As guns fire off like a fourth of July festival, the two overhear as they're leaving, "I got 'em! Get sleepin beauty 'n go!"

They're just outside the building when a bomb goes off, Superman covers Wayne then sees a green mist coat the dust. "Just great." The man mumbles, but smiles when he sees the playboy in fine shape. "Are you alright, Mr. Wayne."

The human waves the alien off, "I'm just fine, thanks for the quick save. Though I wish I could say the same about my building." He comments as he stares at the rumble, then coyly asks, "Didn't you have a better plan then 'let my stuff get stolen and destroyed?'"

"I was trying, Mr. Wayne."

"Right, and I was trying to get kidnapped." He bitterly smiles, "But again, thanks for saving my hide, I guess." And pats the 'S' sheild.

"…You're welcome." The Man of Steel glares.

"I guess I'll see you when my cat is stuck in a tree," starts walking off, waving behind him, "I'll expect the cat to be fine but I'll prepare a wake for the tree." And leaves Superman to sulk on the rooftop.


End file.
